The Football Sleep Show

It's almost a routine nowadays. Saturdays for me consist of a lay-in, Football Focus, Soccer Saturday, an evening interlude for those weekend chores, before settling down for Match of the Day at night. 

As you can imagine, spending a day enraptured by television coverage of football can be very tiring, mainly because of the paining stress suffered as Paul Merson tries to describe a five-yard pass by Barry Ferguson over on Channel 455. Later on, as MOTD draws to a conclusion close to midnight, the eyelids droop, the concentration wavers, and the dreamy world of 'bed' is calling.

No, I tell myself. For as most of you are aware, the final fixture of the day is yet to kick-off. BBC's 'Football League Show', a late-night offering showing all the goals from England's proper football divisions, appeared on our screens at the beginning of the 2009/10 season. ITV had relinquished the rights to show Football League highlights, and the public hoped that the BBC would stamp its traditional authority on a format somewhat neglected by its rival broadcaster.

Despite my love of the lower leagues, however, the 'Football League Show' often struggles to awake me from my dormancy. A programme which starts close to midnight should aim to capture viewers with a tantalising introduction, and keep them watching for the ensuing 80 minutes through the power of lively scripting, fast-paced debate and colourful personalities.

If the Beeb's idea of such an introduction is to have host Manish Bhasin reading his autocue from a raised landing above the studio, then the imagination of the show's producer has to be questioned. If you're going to have a landing, why not excite the viewers (who have probably already abandoned their cocoa) by getting Bhasin a playground slide? In that way, he can thrust himself down it, land in his seat and engage in that ever-so gentle banter with sidekick and pundit, Steve Claridge.

I don't know, maybe that does sound a bit silly. I'm adamant that the show does need livening up, however. Lizzie Greenwood-Hughes, bless her, tries her damnest. Employed by the programme purely to act with unrealistic enthusiasm over the opinions of us, the watchers, she tries desperately to give the impression that she's snowed under with football fans ranting and raving about their clubs.

The sad truth, most probably, is that 'John', a 'Cardiff fan' who 'believes that Craig Bellamy is good', is John the floor manager who couldn't give a toss about anyone's talent as a footballer and probably wants to go home, achieve full intoxication through alcohol and moan over the banality of it all.

Claridge himself is as dull and infuriating as most 'experts'. Upon his introduction from Bhasin, the former journeyman striker proceeds to stare into the camera, like he's lost his essential programme notes (surely script?) and is praying they appear before him in the form of autocue. As the show trundles along, Claridge has an unerring knack of wheeling out the same points, week-in, week-out, in that husky South London accent.

There is a glimmer of light in this late-night drone, though. Mark Clemmit, a regular voice on 5live Sport, is sent out every week for two reports: one on a matchday featuring a team in the news, and another, so-called 'Potted History', review of a club's past. 'Clem' has an infectious presenting style, just sitting nicely on the precipice of 'entertaining' to 'annoying', and his seemingly 'matey' relationships with managers and players alike give the viewer a good impression of the people inside the game.

Although Clemmit's efforts do add a little spice later in the show, the programme as a whole has become monotonous. Obviously all viewers are tuning in for the football itself, but when a programme gives as much time to analysis as 'The Football League Show', it must strive for vibrancy.

Maybe that's what people want from their late night television though? A programme of such flatness that it sends them speedily into their weekend slumber. For me, however, as Manish signs off with his 'weatherman' look at the league tables, I head to bed feeling the Beeb could do so much more.